Stop teasing

Gone are the days when women’s interests and desires used to be swept under the carpet. However, women’s activities still arouse unending criticism in the media. The other day, a man, the so-called Supreme Being, first sex, whom I bump into occasionally at social gatherings, told me in bewilderment, “Women nowadays are crowing cock-a-doodle-doo a lot, but do they have anything to say about their expenses and offensiveness at Teej functions?” I was taken aback to hear that. I couldn’t understand the rationale behind such attacks. Teej functions of elite women are hitting the news headlines. The men are harping on the same string that women have become spendthrifts, irresponsible and carefree.
I have also been regularly invited to Teej functions organized at my relatives and some organizations. But as usual, I had to turn down many invitations because of my problems and lack of interest. We had to organize a function last Tuesday at our home. Among our invitees were my sisters-in-law, cousins, sisters and some other relatives.


We feasted, danced, enjoyed and shared. It came out to be a implausible caring and sharing gathering. But at around 2:30 p.m., the dancing and feasting mass dispersed. I was so surprised to see that and kept pulling them back to the dance floor. But they were busy somewhere. Later, I discovered that they’re worried about their children. Some of them went to fetch their children from school, others were stuck to their mobile phones making sure their children were safely back home and yet others were packing stuff to feed their children.
There’re so many festive events for men which they enjoy to every extent. They can go to any lengths to get their desires fulfilled. Teej is a women’s fest when they fast for the good health and prosperity their husbands, but criticisms have soared to the skies. Dasain also didn’t bring the tradition of playing cards and drinking. As I remember, flying kites was our only tradition. They celebrate, but they know the limit, they don’t switch off their mobiles and go out of contact. They don’t keep their families waiting for dinner. The poor don’t only miss Teej, they miss other festivals like Dasain and Tihar too. The gap between the haves and have-nots is not produced by culture and tradition; it’s a result of unending corruption, political instability, lack of visionary policymakers and other circumstances. I attended some Teej functions, and I found the same care and sense of responsibility among the women.
In the editorial published in The Kathmandu Post on Aug. 18, an emerging worrisome trend has been discussed. It is said that women now have stopped dancing to special Teej songs of blissful wedlock and long lives for their husbands, but they’re dancing to songs demanding the right to elope (poyla janna paun). For your kind information, despite the troubles, I attended a number of the so-called lavish Teej feasts, but nowhere did I find women dancing to such songs. The songs being played were the usual “Teej ko rahara.., maiti…”. Before commenting on any issue, practical studies and observation are necessary. Truth is distorted, twisted and exaggerated in fun TV programmes like Tito Satya. Men don’t have to worry that their wives are fasting and feasting with the wish to elope.
Some organizations are hell-bent on throwing a spanner into talent exhibition contests which have provided a good platform for our intelligent girls. For a fine example, our Miss Nepal Sugarika K.C. is very talented and she is contributing to society in her own way. So far as I know about these contests, our girls don’t come onstage in bikinis. Then what is wrong with stepping on to the stage to express and perform what they have within themselves?
Women also need moments of joy. They also need celebrations. They need sharing and caring. But the money collected for such functions can also be used to help poor and needy women. So far as lavish Teej festivals being held at big hotels are concerned, the elite, whether they’re men or women, have already set the trend to organize occasional events at cosy and expensive venues. This is not unnatural or strange.
There will always be arguments as everything has merits and demerits, but we have to be committed to conserving culture and tradition without hampering others’ rights. We shouldn’t cause a sense of victimization among others. As Gopal Siwakoti said, we have all been happily engaged in a blame game. It’s true that we’ve to look a bit inwards and see what the lack is within ourselves. There’s a huge gap between words and deeds. If such views continue to go ahead, the battle of the sexes is bound to soar in the long run. We’ve still not liberated ourselves with old stereotypes. Can we show the guts and grit to redefine our cultural practices and stop the cat and dog brawls among ourselves? Society has undergone a sea change, but we’re still engaged in a blame game. And if women also come out of the mindset they are so entrenched in, they can make a difference; and they should stop prattling about jewelry, clothes and stuffs. Most of us have the wrong concept that the sole aim of education is to equip ourselves with qualifications to get a good job. But we’ve to learn to use it to choose between right and wrong.